Dear boys,

You hit a growth spurt this week. Specifically, when I was trying to watch the Oscars last night. All of a sudden my hands got clammy, my chest constricted, my heart started racing, and my uterus and legs began cramping. Maybe some of this was due to Channing Tatum’s sexy dance number. Maybe some. But definitely not all.

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I turned 36 this week and got the best birthday present ever — little flutters in the man cave. They’re fleeting and light, but I’m pretty sure it’s the boys announcing their presence. Pretty soon it’s going to feel like I’m hosting World Cup in there, so I’m going to enjoy these gentler kicks while I can.

To honor my illustrious birth, Matt’s dad, J.P. and his wife, Deva, take us out to dinner at Heritage. Matt knows the owner, so we are treated to a parade of amazing dishes. There’s charcuterie, pimento cheese croquettes, smoked fish dip, roast chicken and grits, pork belly, and chocolate and bourbon dulce de leche. There’s almost an exploding human, too. By the end of the meal, I feel like Gluttony from “Se7en.” I spend the rest of the night clutching a bottle of Tums and moaning like a cow.

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“I’m Dr. Love,” says Dr. Love. But he says it with panache, pronouncing his name deep and soulful like Barry White. Dr. Love is sitting in for our regular perinatologist who is out having foot surgery. She’s a small, spunky white lady. He’s a large, spunky black man. They are the Kelly Ripa and Michael Strahan of the Maternal-Fetal Medicine department.

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Today is the day we find out what we’re having, trips be willing.

Ever since the perinatologist told us in Week 13 that Trip C was looking like a boy, I’ve been convinced that Trips A & B were also “with weiner,” but were reluctant to ‘fess up. So, to mentally prepare myself for the idea of growing half a hockey team inside me, I’ve been telling friends and family that I’m sure we’re having three boys. I don’t necessarily want three boys, but I don’t want to be disappointed if that’s what I get.

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How much does Matt love our trips? He loves them so much that he’s willing to audition for commercials where he has to say things like, “Turn pizza night from fun to phenomenal! Just imagine, a one-of-a-kind crust with 16 pockets filled with a blend of five amazing Italian cheeses. The most outrageously cheesy flavor, EVER.”

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